WHY YOUR #RELATIONSHIPGOALS NEED TO CHANGE FOR 2016 & THE GIFT OF CLARITY
If you are at a point in your relationship where it just doesn’t feel good anymore because things are falling apart and you are confused about what to do next, your #relationshipgoals need to change for 2016. You need to gain a sense of clarity as to the direction you want to go in.
I know from speaking to other women that are in toxic and dissatisfying relationships that many of them are concerned about the future of their relationship. This past year has taken them on an emotional roller coaster and they are left feeling confused about the new year and how things are going to unfold. Is it going to be the same-old, same old or are there better experiences ahead?
It’s really hard to tell, which way things will go since 2015 has been filled with so many ups and downs. There has been heated arguments, then things seem to work out for the time being with no real solution but then you felt hopeful that things were going to be okay. Then more arguments happened, you probably spent some time apart, you dealt with the fact that you are unfulfilled but decided to stick it out anyway. Dealing with unhealthy relationship patterns in the midst of managing other areas in your life with( the kids, work, social involvement, physical health etc…) is hella hard to deal with and it becomes much easier to avoid what’s really happening.
The one statement I’m hearing over and over is: “I don’t know if I should stay or leave, I’m so confused”
If you can relate you’re probably thinking…during the holiday's is the worst time to make a change because it’s all about being together as a family.
It’s an understandable concern because as women when the quality of our relationship is out of whack, it’s very common for us to take on the responsibility of fixing things or not do anything to stir things up, while sacrificing our feelings.
Although I can relate to doing what’s necessary to keep the peace, I also know that settling into a dysfunctional relationship pattern doesn’t work either.
Being unhappy in any relationship, even if you love the person you’re with or have been together for a long time is a huge red flag.
- It is not okay to constantly struggle in your relationship for years with no resolve.
- It’s not okay to sacrifice your happiness for the sake of saying you’re married or in a relationship for the long haul.
- It’s not okay to get comfortable and stay in a broken relationship because you feel guilty or ashamed because things are not working out.
- It’s not okay to be in a fear based relationship- fear of being alone, fear of starting over etc...
- It is not okay to allow emotional and mental stress to take a toll on your physical self.
However; it is okay, a matter of fact it’s more than “okay” it’s your relationship right to be in a healthy partnership that's loving and good for you. There should have a high level of caring, fairness, support, fulfillment, encouragement, empathy and a strong sense of trust between you two, and not occasionally but regularly.
It’s time to set healthier #relationshipgoals for 2016. Challenge yourself to do something radically different than what you’ve been doing, give voice to the real reason fear is preventing you from releasing what’s not serving you, so you can start doing something about it.
Here’s a start:
- Take Responsibility. Understand that some part of you is contributing to the behaviors. Ask yourself why you are willing to allow the behaviors to continue. Discover the barriers that are keeping you stuck and make changes.
Get a new perspective from a neutral party, who has no bias against your relationship—for example a counselor or a coach. It wouldn’t hurt to also talk to a really good friend who can remind you of the happy and healthy relationship that you deep down desire and deserve. The point is for the other person to help you focus on the situation, the part you have played, and what you are willing to do to move forward.
It is vital to be in touch with who you are to the core and not to lose yourself in the hustle of sustaining a toxic relationship.
So take a step back, take a deep breath (inhale-exhale) and get clear about what you want to experience instead of a toxic relationship for 2016.
If you are struggling for clarity, the very best strategy I can recommend is a simple writing exercise. Clarity, just doesn’t show up on it’s own. It’s something you have to actively seek. When you do, you will start to gain momentum and the next step will become clearer and clearer.
I want to offer you the gift of clarity. Clarity is a choice, either you want to move out of that space of being confused and unhappy or you don’t.
Gaining clarity is an ongoing process, I still use this exercise when I feel stuck. Think of this work as the information-gathering phase and not the decision-making phase. Click the link to get immediate access the exercise: You don’t have to sign-up for anything, the steps are readily available to you: http://bit.ly/clarityprocess
You have more control over your situation than you think you do.
Your #relationshipgoals for 2016 should start with a relationship with yourself and being honest about what you intuitively know you want to experience moving forward.
Here’s another resource for you: I recently read this article, When to Let Go and Move On and it's pretty straight forward on the signs you need to look out for in order to know if you should move on.
Make sure to do the writing exercise and read the article, okay?
My hope for you for 2016: To get very clear about your personal po
I want you to gain clarity around what you need to do to get unstuck.
With Love & Gratitude,