This is not your normal relationship check-in for couples but instead a check-in for a relationship with yourself.
If we were to sit down and have a conversation about how you’ve been staying connected to yourself throughout the year while in a relationship, would you say you invested more into yourself, your relationship or things balanced out?
We all know that relationships require some sort of sacrifice but it’s also very possible to sacrifice way too much of yourself to the point of getting lost. After getting through the struggle of choosing myself while in relationships, I realized not staying connected to my true self was one of the main reasons I lost my sense of self. Which lead to being unhappy and staying in an unhealthy relationship for a long time.
Lesson learned: The most effective way to avoid this common trap of losing your sense of self is to nurture your relationship with YOU & YOU.
I know you’ve read this quote before but I’m going to cite it again:
I’m going to challenge you to go beyond just reading the quote and really think about it. Think how hard it is to really pour into someone in a positive way when you are not in a good mood. If you are not happy with yourself, how can you truly make someone else happy? I'm not talking about unhappy moments, I mean a constant discontent with how you are experiencing life as an individual. That energy in turn spills over into your relationship and I know it doesn't make for a happy experience.
When I'm in a funk, I'm distant, moody, sarcastic and not very affectionate. But then I realize, it's not fair to my partner to be subjected to my negative energy. He can be supportive but ultimately it's my personal responsibility to make sure I'm managing my emotional and mental wellness.
If you are feeling disconnect from yourself, it’s not too late to re-focus on you. There is a harmonious way to continue to give to your relationship and hold on to yourself in the process. However, it starts with you taking the time to find your way back to you.
Maintaining a relationship with yourself requires practice. Check-ins are an easy way to make sure you are staying true to who you are while in a relationship.
- This allows you to course-correct before you get completely lost.
- This process forces you to take an intended pause and reflect on what’s been happening so far.
- It also gives you a greater chance of having your needs met.
Just as you make an effort to connect with others, connecting with yourself requires time as well. Effective communication is a key component for healthy relationships and it should be the same for yourself.
Below are a few questions to get you started with your check-in.
Ask yourself questions frequently and really listen to the answers. Hopefully, it will help you begin the process of reclaiming your sense of self.
It’s time to prioritize yourself, so grab a pen, journal or a computer and find a quiet space to be present.
- Have I been catering to my needs or everyone else's?
- Have I been doing what really makes me happy or unhappy?
- Have I been investing time and energy into activities that make me feel fulfilled?
- Have I been spending time alone where I'm not pleasing anyone but myself?
- Have I been staying in touch with my family?
- Have I been staying connected in some way, shape or form with my close friends?
- Have I been working towards the goals I've set for myself at the beginning of the year?
- Am I speaking up when something doesn't feel right within the relationship?
- Am I speaking up about what my desires or boundaries are?
- Am I maintaining my identity and remaining true to who I am?
When you answer these questions honestly, you will gain a greater level of clarity and knowing around how you are showing up in your relationship.
Are you being authentic or changing who you are to make the relationship work?
When you take care of yourself and are true to yourself, you are more likely to feel self-assured and content as a person. As women, we struggle with maintaining a clear sense of self while in love. It may not be romantic to practice a check-in with yourself but it's really important if you want to avoid the risk of losing yourself but instead create space to sustain a healthy & fulfilling relationship.
In the comment section below, let me know:
What’s getting in the way of you staying connected to yourself while in love?